And a great Thanksgiving comes to a close, and yet again I find it difficult to put my feelings into words.
It's so hard to vocalize just what pain you feel.
It's so hard to feel cold and warm at the same time.
I had a great Thanksgiving for all of those reading this. I spent the afternoon at my aunt's, following the usual tradition of stuffing myself with stuffing and other delightful delicacies. Afterwards, I traveled to the downstairs couch, a companion I had been searching for for so long. We fell in love quickly and before I knew it, I took a two hour nap. 'Twas a good nap. Woke up, ate some more.
So yeah! Thanksgiving was great. Seeing family that you've wanted to see for a while is like placing cold numb hands under warm running water. You get tingles and you just close your eyes and enjoy the moment that you have at that second and maybe for the next.
Moments like those are what get me through these days. The times that I look at the pictures hung up in my hallway, and I think about how someone made those. Someone took that time to make this work of art.
The times that I see gestures of love between two and I feel that wasp called envy.
The times I wake up from the most fantastic dream, and I grow heavy with the feeling of knowing that dream wasn't reality . . . but maybe it could be.
Hey, let's all just take our pills and calm down, yeah? Let's take our advil so we can't feel that pain anymore. Let's swallow our antidepressants so we can stop feeling alive. Let's inhale our favorite drugs and take a quick nap that will last a little longer than we expected.
They want me to stop fighting.
But maybe we should.
Because that's what we were told.
That's what we were raised to do.
I should keep myself quiet.