Unusual punishments; I've been given quite a few of these. I have to weed quite a large amount of the "going-to-be-waterfall" in my backyard. Like, it's a lot of space. And A LOT of weeds. A LOT. A. LOT. Lot's of spiders in my shirt, slugs in my glove, you know the rest.
If you guys haven't heard "The Only Hope For Me Is You" by My Chemical Romance, then go listen to it now. You won't regret it. It's a fantastic song, and it isn't sad or angry or anything. It just makes you feel hopeful, you know?
WOAH! My mom just walked passes me, and DANG she smells GOOD.
I apologize for the last few posts that I have . . . posted? Is that redundant? Well, not really, I suppose.
Actually, scratch that.
I'm not sorry.
I said it. It is reality. And there is really no point in trying to escape it, right?
If it made you feel at all, then I succeeded.
Because I want you all to know who I am. I'm not a robot. I'm not normal. I'm not quite a lot of things.
I get jealous quite often. I can't help but look at other people's lives and see how much easier they have it. How they have money, they have nothing wrong in their head, they look bright, and they don't struggle with other people. Because I hate to break it to you, but I don't have any of those. I don't have money, I have so many problems in my head, and there are so many people I could easily make a death wish for.
I am an awful person.
You want to hear something horrible? My Japanese teacher was fired. I don't know if I'll be able to take Japanese next year, and it's the only language I've ever had an interest in.
In all honesty, nearly everything that can go wrong in my life, IS going wrong.
It's freaking summer.
And I'm freaking grounded. (Oops! I meant my "privileges are being taken away")
Perfection at it's best.
I have a friend I keep talking to you, but I feel like he isn't really paying attention. I fall apart on one side of the line, and he responds with a "yeah."
I've lost my sanity.
I understand he's trying, but I hate being the one who always needs help. The one who needs so much from other people. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
I don't want to bring others down with me. I don't like to talk, but I do. I don't understand myself. I don't understand all that much.
A family member left some pudding on my dresser. That made my day. But what did you mean by "little ones?"
I literally have all of this anger firing up inside of me. All of these images flashing through my head of me screaming, breaking windows, throwing objects, carving into walls. . . . I don't even know how it's physically possible to hold all of this inside of my ever-so fragile mind. I'm so tired of being the passive one, the one that just gives into what others want me to do, letting others be the boss of me. I want to be my own person. I don't need another tyrant in my life.
All I ask for is a little bit of strength.
A little bit of strength for the sake of breaking free.
I can't hurt other people. But sometimes I want to so bad.
I am an awful person.
Do I belong in a cage?
I don't want attention.
I want a cure.
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