And You Won't See Me Change My Mind

Here I am.

On a monday.

Listening to Rainy Monday by Shiny Toy Guns.
Except,
It's not raining.

But it might as well be.

Stupid events that conspire through selfish minds, one being my own. We all make mistakes, but it seems that some refuse to see that.

I am here, unable to escape my house. I just need to GET OUT. Period. Anywhere works. Anywhere. I don't know why, but I just hate being here. I just hate being stuck without a friend to be with, a friend to be near me. I feel as though I can't talk to my parents, because anytime I tell them I feel this way, they just tell me those feelings come from Satan. But it's what I feel! And I can't get it to go away. It won't go away. So am I of Satan? Is that what you're saying? If not, then what are they saying?

I get so tempted to just run away, just for a while, but then my mind goes to the future; to all the events that would transpire. How much everyone would hate me.

Hate.

Why must it be?


Saturday was awful. I cried so hard. But I don't know why I'm telling you that, because it's not something I want everyone to know. It's all my fault.

I forgot a good friend's birthday

I was punished for something honestly not too serious.

I don't understand. I do try my best. But it seems as some still see me as some hateful teenager wanting to hurt everyone.

But really,

That's the last thing I want to do.



BLARG. Emotional stuff.

Poops. My hands are all sweaty. THEY ARE ALWAYS SWEATY! I don't understand. I'm not even hot. Yet they're all like, "Brett, you like moisture getting on EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH, DON'T YOU?"

Haha! Silly hands. You so stupid.


Blarg. I need a job. NEED.


Oh well.

Days come and go, but friendship lasts forever, right? This will day soon be over.

Eventually.

I've never felt so alien.