Feel the Weight

So, about 10 days left of school for me. Approximately. Well, I suppose that was rather redundant. Heh, oh well! :) So, I am actually on top of the world right now. Besides the daily stress of life and attempting to save up for when Shay and Shawnee (my cousins) come down here. Let's see....so far, I have....oh.....4 dollars. Yeah, I need to save up a little more. Considering that I have to save up about 150 bucks. :\ ummm........yeah.........
So, set yourself for something weird.
Focus.
Many of you may have thought of this before.

So, just think.
You are you.
You see what you see through your eyes.
You are in your body.
No one else can hear your thoughts.

It gives me chills when I think about it. It makes me feel weird. GAAAHHH!!

Now, this is when I rant. If you need to do homework or something of the sort, I suggest you stop reading this and go do it.
I know I've said this quite a bit, but I'm scared for the future. What will happen when I'm out of high school? Will I ever see the people I know again? What memories will disappear? Which memories will stay?
Memories. They're strange, aren't they? Something that can stay or leave, no matter what its importance it is. Whether it's where you put your wallet or a great time you had a while back. Will you always remember that? It scares me....What if I forget the things that make me...well, me? What will I turn into?
I have a confession. I don't exactly have something to live for. I want something to live for. I get afraid so often....Are my friends really there for me? Or am I sad case that just needs company, so anytime I hang out with some one, is it just a pity party? Now I'm not fishing for compliments at ALL! I don't want any, I'm not looking for validation. Okay, maybe a little bit, but the real reason I said that was because I think that so often. Am I really worthy to be in the presence of the people that call me a friend? Do I really deserve to be their friend? I don't know why I'm having this lack of feelings of self-worth, but it's just a little weird.

Okay, school, JUST FREAKING END ALREADY!!! Everyday just CARRIES on TOO long. I'm sitting in class, and it's just so.....BLEHCK! Next year in high school is going to be SO stupid. :P The only two classes that I'm happy I'm taking is orchestra and Japanese 2. Yeah, all of my other classes are extremely boring required classes. SHTOOPID!
I really just need to be with a friend right now. I am longing for the presence of any good friend. Thanks to those good friends who truly care.

Hey, guys, there's no use in faking kindness. It's just stupid. All it does is hurt you and the person you are faking it to. Just don't.

Summer.

I can almost smell you.
You're so close.

Well....sayoonara.
Why should I have to try to fix things I didn't create or contrive?


I suppose life is just never fair. Oh well. I guess we're all just trying to make it through.