Who Ever Knows Anyways?

When is the world going to end?
I ever so often want it to. I miss great times with friends. How I wish that those moments would just last forever. I wish that they would never end, that I would never have to leave. Hmm.....Life is just extremely strange right now. It has its ups and downs, but yet I just feel all.......strange. I don't feel extremely depressed, but I don't feel happy. It's just such a weird feeling. I honestly don't know what to think of it. I suppose I'll just live listening to my music. How much better it all makes me feel.
All of life is just so overwhelming. I can't help it, I've got too many issues. So many issues....I never seem to know what to do with myself. I'm just some small pathetic human existing in an impossibly large world with billions of other humans. Seriously, does the individual matter? It often seems like the individual doesn't matter, or at least that's the way some people see it. Most leaders are expressing the idea of only people as a whole mattering. But that's not the point. We all need to improve ourselves, and everyone seems to be thinking that they don't need to because they don't matter.
So many people feel like they don't matter in this world.
And who knows if their feelings are lying to them or not?
I'm still not sure....
If only there were some way to escape all of the world. Escape the pressures of everyday life. Some way to be free. Some way to be free forever. I often question my faith...a lot, actually, and I'm rather afraid to tell my parents in spite of being scolded. Where are we really going after this life? Are we really going to live FOREVER? What will the afterlife actually be like? How will we be judged? What if were wrong this whole time and we get to "heaven" and the real god is some strange sun god or something? I know it's a weird thought. But I keep questioning the scriptures, especially D&C. Oh well....I'll just dull myself down to the point of just believing everything that's being told to me.
Hmm........Don't know what to think.
Then again, I never usually know what to think. I just need help, but nobody's perfect. I can never be fixed, because I'm broken. Just, forever. Life is like a maze, and all we have is candle barely bright enough to show where we are. We can't see anything a foot in front of us. And we are all trying to find our way. It's just that it's a lot harder for some people to find the exit then others. Some people are just born lucky. Some people aren't. We will all realize that eventually, and we'll all have to deal with it. It's not fair. In fact, life is never fair. We all just have to suck it up. But I guess that I have a problem with that, considering my whiny posts. My life is a hopeless mess. Darg.
Hey, no mutual tonight! I just realized that! What a good day. The last thing that I wanted to do was deal with a bunch of immature boys making fart jokes and giggling to their heart's content. But there are a few good people in my quorum who make my day quite often. Some cool people. But, like, 75% of my quorum really just need to grow up.
Spring just needs to come.
Stupid groundhog, you lied to me. You have crushed all of my hopes. Darg.

You have to experience the bad to know when you're experiencing the good.