Life.
To explain how I feel right now, I must use an analogy.
Let's say you're room is generally clean. People are usually impressed. But soon a pile of dirty clothes start to build up. Bigger and bigger, until it reaches a strange size and then stays constant as you take out clothes from the bottom and wash them, only to be placed at the top again after use, dirty once more. This doesn't bother you. But soon enough, you lay in bed for the night, and you notice that the pile starts to bug you. It becomes more apparent that it's there. Every night you start to worry about it more and more. It starts to bug you in places other than your room. When you have friends over, you tell them how it's bugging you. They tell you to clean it up! "The answer is simple!" They say. "Merely take some time and just fold it up and put it away!"
But you think about it . . . You feel like you can't. Because that pile has become part of your life and your thoughts. Yet you want to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. If you don't think about it, it won't bug you, right? But soon enough, your parents notice. They begin to tell you why having that pile is awful. You don't want to clean it up. Yet you want to. You don't really know what to do. Having your parents know feels awful . . . And you feel stuck.
That explains my situation pretty well. Except that situation is obviously set on a different scale. But yeah. See, this kind of thing would have completely set off my rocker in my earlier years. In fact, I have no doubt that I would be extremely depressed and suicidal if this happened earlier. But I feel like I can handle it now. Sure, it seems so huge and all, but it feels really good to know that at least I've improved from where I was even though it feels like I haven't moved much.
I have improved.
I have moved forward.
Sure, life is getting better.
What I sorta mentioned earlier is actually not a main focus of my life, which is why I mentioned the fact that " . . . you want to ignore it . . . " Because I really do want to ignore it. I want to force myself to think that it doesn't exist. But whatevs. I won't dangle you guys on a thread for too long. Because I won't tell you what it is, but I feel like I'm saying too much and you all are like, "Oh. My. Freak. Brett, just tell us what it is. FOR REALZ."
But sorry,
I cannot.
Anywho, ONE WEEK 'TILL THE END OF THIS TERM. I cannot tell you how short this year is going to fly by. What the crap. I'm already a fourth of the way through. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.
New mission for y'all. Look up the band Jars of Clay. They are really good. Just go type up their name on Grooveshark and listen and bask in their delicious sunlight of knowledge and connecting feelings. So good, guys. And you won't even know how great they are until you listen to them.
Let's hope tomorrow will be awesome.
I gotta feeling that it totally will.
I feel inferior when a mind so greater than mine tries to explain what they think and feel.
And I feel sad when I, sometimes, can't connect.
But I might get to where he is someday.
Friends.
Great friends.
Best friends.
A pile of dirty clothes that you want to forget.
Look outside the selfish mind.
Your selfish mind.
Because we are all selfish, because it's so easy to be.
But put a little work, sweat a little, and think of others.
It's not natural.
But it's what's right.
The world needs you.
You don't need the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment