Problems That Will Never Be Solved

Yes, if you looked at the time, it is five forty five in the morning. I had the hardest day yesterday, and yet again, I find myself with no one to talk to. I just keep feeling like I'm in a nightmare, and it's never going to end. It honestly seems like things are never going to get better. Every day I wake up, I wish I didn't. Life is just so full of crap, and I get so depressed about all of it, and then people judge me for being depressed...I just hate it all so much. I honestly just want to disappear. Life is so full of complications.................Life is just ever so difficult.
I need sleep right now. I'm so tired.
You know what I'm sick of right now? Piano. I ever-so-badly want to quit right now. I honestly think that I'm good enough to just leave and play songs that I want to play and learn them by myself, and that way, no stress is placed upon me. Well, I don't need to QUIT piano forever....just at least during the school year. Because it's so stressful trying to find time to practice, and then you get to your piano lesson and all your teacher does is lecture you on why you aren't good enough, and how I'm just being lazy and not practicing. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M DOING!!! I honestly am trying to practice, and I'm doing my best, but every time I try to tell her that, she thinks I'm making up excuses. Ugh.....I'm so sick to my stomach right now. I haven't gotten a TON of practicing done in this past week, so I am honestly afraid. I am always afraid before my piano lesson. I honestly think that quitting piano will take away 75% of the stress in my life. I really want the piano to be something that I enjoy, and not something that I HAVE to do, like a chore. I don't have time anymore to write songs or learn songs that I want to learn, and why? Because of my frickin' piano lessons. After I get done with my homework, I want to go and freestyle on the piano. But guess what? I can't because I need to practice the piano, and then after that it's time to go to bed. Stupid piano.....I hate having piano lessons. They are the reason I'm so depressed on Mondays.
Well...that was a long paragraph thingamajig....But it's all so true. I try to talk to my mom about quitting piano, just at least for the rest of the school year, but she doesn't let me! I'll take it during the summer, because I'm fine with that, but during the school year it is just EVER SO STRESSFUL!!! Hmm....I probably should have put all of that stuff in the last paragraph.....But there's just SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY! I just wish I could talk to some one right now. I need to talk to some one.
In truth and fact, if I could have three wishes right now, this is what they would be.
1. Score perfect on all tests and get 100's on all of my projects and homework.
2. Quit piano (until the summer, at least.)
3. Have some sort of superpower.

Yep, those are my three wishes.

Dang it....I have piano in a half an hour. I can just feel each and every tick from our clock is draining away my life as I near my piano lesson.

WHY CAN'T IT BE FRICKIN' SUMMER YET???

Have you ever felt the urge to swear? I feel it ever so often. I have so many feelings that just bubble up inside of me, and I don't know how to let them out without being destructive to me or others. It usually ends up just being destructive to me, and that's a bad habit I'm trying to break. But what else am I supposed to do about it? I can't just let it all stay in me until I go clinically insane....What's going to happen to me? Am I really going crazy?
Life is just such a nightmare right now.....
If only it would all end soon.
I try not to get my hopes up too often, in fear of getting let down and then becoming depressed. It all happens too frequently. So many times I just wish life could get better than it is, but then I become down once I figure out that it isn't, and it most likely isn't going to get any better. I keep constantly having these thoughts of how hard life is, and how much I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again. So many problems in my life and in other's lives that I'm trying to solve. It's all so overwhelming........
Have you ever wanted to disappear?