Don't Read Unless You Really Care, All The Phonies Can Go Jump Off A Bridge.

As winter is here, and Christmas comes, the stress of everyday life exaggerates. School gets hard, feelings fly up and down....It's hard. Bleh. :P My friends keep getting me presents, and then I feel like trash because I don't have any money to spend to get them their presents, and I don't have any time to spend to make them presents....DAR!!! School, why must we have so much FREAKING HOMEWORK??? There are so many things that I want to change, and yet there is so many things that I don't want to change but I know they eventually will. So many people I want to help...Forever trapped in an endless war between myself, the world, school, other people, family.....and everything else that goes along with it. I know I should be happy, because It's the Christmas season and all, but I don't know why I'm not. I feel like I can't do anything about it. I'm so small in this world.......So small. Why do I matter? I want to matter. I want to matter to some one so bad...Hate is eating me away, despair is tearing me apart, and self-consciousness is dragging me under. Frapp.....I just want to swear or something.....DAR!!! I suppose I'll go do something else....because this writing doesn't seem to be helping. What will people think of me? When will this living hell end? Ugh....so many questions I want answers to. Sorry about this, guys.....I just really need to vent and crap, there's not really anyone I can talk to right now.....:P