I seem to never be enough for people.
Apparently my best is never enough.
Apparently when I tell the truth, that isn't enough for people.
And though I try my hardest to do everything for others, it is never enough.
Am I not good enough?
I fear I am not. I just need to deal with it I suppose. It is impossible to please everyone, but what happens when you can please hardly anybody?
When will I discover who I truly am?
When will I be satisfied with life?
Stupid questions that can't be answered. So, instead of living in the pain of reality, I choose to imagine. I choose to often place myself in a world of imagination. Where superpowers are real, where miracles happen, where there is hardly any stress, and where everyone cares about me. I know I sound like a person who just escaped from the loony bin, but it's true. I hardly ever can actually talk to, so I'm left to my imagination, and this blog. But I can't survive on this blog, so I have my other option. Yes, it's weird, and I know the names and looks of all the people in my world. I have the same friends I do everyday, and we all do cool stuff, like fight evil, travel through deserts, fly, swim underwater, and everything else imaginable. Yes, I know it's really weird, but it's true. And I feel I had to say it. Just for some strange reason. I should probably make a book out of all of the things that happen in my head.... But whatever...
Insanity.
What makes me.
Am I a freak?
Yes.
Yes I am.
Get used to it.
umm.. I'm pretty much the exact same. like.. seriously. only we have different adventures. but pretty much the same!
ReplyDeleteHere is what I think:
ReplyDeleteI think it is actually the opposite - I think the way you are viewing REALITY is actually not accurate, because I know for a FACT that you have a TON of people that love you and that are never, NEVER dissatisfied with who you are. I, for one, have never even ONCE thought you were not enough in any way shape or form. I have always thought you to be kind, thoughtful, talented as heck, smart, and blessed with an amazing capacity for life - akin to superpowers :). I know that the entire Christiansen clan agrees with me, and that is quite a large number of people! So whoever you are referring to I can only guess two options: Your friends at school, which quite frankly are a bunch of teenagers that are all insecure, angry, emotional, and clueless - so why base any sense of self on people that don't even like themselves?! THAT is a silly idea! Or secondly - you are referring to your own disapproval of yourself - which I will defend you tooth and nail to the day I die, which is what I do for people I love when ANYONE, including themselves, is being unkind, unfair, unjust and just wrong in the way you are treating YOURSELF. (and yes, I am feeling strongly about this, the mother-bear, or the aunt-bear is coming out in me). So stop it! Believe in yourself, VOTE FOR YOU!! Because if you don't vote for you, it won't matter if 10,000 people all do, you won't see it, and that is actually what IS happening. VOTE FOR YOU. I love you.
Leah
Yeah, I do that, I'm writing a book to get out my imaginations! Am I a man-eating green dinosaur that has the power of breathing acid?!? YES YES! I SHOULD! And Mr. Chruma and Mr. Moon and all evil math teachers should be the evil villains.
ReplyDeleteI find many people are not happy with me either. I've tried to make many of them happy, but they rarely want to be.
ReplyDeleteI choose to strive to make a few important people happy. They are well chosen for worth and are usually easier to please anyway.
Mostly I try to please God and myself. If I make God happy, I reach the greatest potential for my own peace.
Says my daughter, "No wonder its all cool and colorful, it'sBret's." When she saw this blog.
ReplyDelete